Learn From My Mistakes

Short story of how I break life chaos into small, solvable problems - 3 min read.

I hate jerks, but I can be a jerk.

Here’s a story.

A few years ago I flew to the EU from the U.S. Raleigh → Paris → Vienna. On the way to the airport, I got a notification: my first flight was delayed 50 minutes.

Not a big deal.

Except my 60-minute connection just became 10. With passport control, that’s basically zero.

I stayed calm.

It was a work trip and my event started the next afternoon. I did not mind a free night in Paris on the airline’s dime. (Yes, I know some rights.)

At the airport, I was unusually charming. Or so I thought. Carry-on only. No stress. The staff was swamped. The delay messed up a lot of connections. Passengers were stressed and spicy. Rebooks everywhere.

My turn. I said, “I know you’re slammed. Can you help me figure out the next step and I’ll get out of your way? I’m in no rush.” It lowered the cognitive load.

“Thank you. Let me see what I can do.”

Ten minutes later, I was rebooked on the next Paris–Vienna flight. Four hours to connect. Damn!

Bonus: free upgrade to Economy Plus.

Was I happy? I was excited.

Happy ending.

But.

Before that, I had a similar story.

Same airport. Same long-haul vibe. This time I was flying to my home country for vacation, with checked luggage and everything.

I arrived two hours early and froze.

The terminal was packed. Lines everywhere. (Who could have guessed December 23 would be busy).

Back then, I did not have a U.S. passport and needed in-person verification to get a boarding pass for international flights.

So I found the end of the Delta line and rushed there.

After 30 minutes, we moved maybe 15 centimeters. A few inches, for my dear American readers. Suspicious.

Another 40 minutes. Maybe 8.3% progress. It was clear I was done if I stayed.

I left the line and asked staff for help. Their script was broken and the message unclear. It looked like they could not care less.

Fair enough.

With nothing to lose, I walked to the first-class line with only a few people in it. Right off the bat I demanded a manager.

Stuff tried to impress me at first: “What is the cause of the issue?”

“Delta created an artificial bottleneck by not putting enough personnel on the check-in line (look how fast my brain cooked up a BS theory under a huge rush of adrenaline), and now my boarding has already begun and I am not even close to getting a boarding pass!!!”

I was loud, capturing attention, leaving no quick way out of this situation for them.

The lady was silent for a bit. But another one instantly stepped in with the most desired sentence in the moment: "Can I see your passport?"

I had to sprint to the gate, but I made the flight.

Two conclusions:

1. You do not get what you deserve. You get what you can negotiate.

2. Behavior is situation, not personality.

I am not saying I am not a jerk. Most of the time - I am (purely based on my wife's feedback, no other evidence).

Let’s be fair. Most actions have more than one reason:

• Picks up trash on the trail. Cares about nature, wants to feel virtuous, also wants to impress the date.

• Cancels plans last minute. Inconsiderate, or child care imploded.

• Shares a helpful thread online. Educates, grows followers, builds a future product audience.

• Stays late to finish the deck. Cares about the team, wants the boss to notice, avoids bath time with the kids.

• Cooks dinner for family. Love, pride in a signature dish, control of the menu to avoid weird stuff. (The only reason I am decent in the kitchen is my lovely wife’s cooking “skills”.)

Bottomline: The person did not change between stories. The clock, the stakes, and the line did.

Default brains go "judge the person." We will flip it. Judge the situation first. Then act.

Till next time.

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